Monday, May 5, 2014

Once You Cheat, There's No Turning Back

It was considered cheating.  I was caught flirting with other people through text messaging, while in front of my loved one.  So be it.  I was given another chance...

So what is the problem?  For some reason, cheating seems to be a sin that lingers in the memories of the victims.  No matter how good I do, since I was caught, I seem to have been branded a cheater for my entire life.  "Be loyal this time," I say to my self.  It's my relationship that was at stake.  But it was a great struggle to prove that I'm loyal this time, in my everyday life.  It seems, no matter what I do, I get reminded of this sin.
It got to the point when I feel like it's totally unfair.  It got tiring to have to assure and reassure my loved one how sincere I am.  But I put up with it still.  Still in the hopes that I will finally set him free of doubt.  But as days go by, it's become self-punishment.  How long will it take to clear my name, I don't know.  How long will my partner be willing to keep doubting me, testing me, reminding me of my fault, I don't know... but it's getting old.
I can put up with it still.  But what pushed me to the limit was getting accused of what I have not done.  I was told I was caught sending text messages with some secret person again.  And this time, I believe it's not true.  I scoured all I can to prove me wrong, so I can admit to what I'm accused of, but to no avail.  It is here that I realized that there's no hope in clearing out my name from cheating.  It is here that I realized no matter how clean my conscience, whenever my beloved sees me, he sees me cheating him over and over.  It is here that I believe his love for me was long gone.
It is sad that despite efforts, cheating can really ruin a precious relationship.  People might take it lightly; think their partner is forgiving.  Think time heals all wounds.  I realize it's easier said than done.  I'm afraid I lost his love.  This eternal punishment (branded as a cheater), maybe I can withstand.  But to know his love is gone, there's nothing more to fight for.

No comments:

Post a Comment