It was considered cheating. I was caught flirting with other people through text messaging, while in front of my loved one. So be it. I was given another chance...
So what is the problem? For some reason, cheating seems to be a sin that lingers in the memories of the victims. No matter how good I do, since I was caught, I seem to have been branded a cheater for my entire life. "Be loyal this time," I say to my self. It's my relationship that was at stake. But it was a great struggle to prove that I'm loyal this time, in my everyday life. It seems, no matter what I do, I get reminded of this sin.
It got to the point when I feel like it's totally unfair. It got tiring to have to assure and reassure my loved one how sincere I am. But I put up with it still. Still in the hopes that I will finally set him free of doubt. But as days go by, it's become self-punishment. How long will it take to clear my name, I don't know. How long will my partner be willing to keep doubting me, testing me, reminding me of my fault, I don't know... but it's getting old.
I can put up with it still. But what pushed me to the limit was getting accused of what I have not done. I was told I was caught sending text messages with some secret person again. And this time, I believe it's not true. I scoured all I can to prove me wrong, so I can admit to what I'm accused of, but to no avail. It is here that I realized that there's no hope in clearing out my name from cheating. It is here that I realized no matter how clean my conscience, whenever my beloved sees me, he sees me cheating him over and over. It is here that I believe his love for me was long gone.
It is sad that despite efforts, cheating can really ruin a precious relationship. People might take it lightly; think their partner is forgiving. Think time heals all wounds. I realize it's easier said than done. I'm afraid I lost his love. This eternal punishment (branded as a cheater), maybe I can withstand. But to know his love is gone, there's nothing more to fight for.