Thursday, December 27, 2012
I admit, I'm an addict. An addict to cigarettes and an addict to coffee. I know these and I'm not ashamed. But one thing I know well is that I have never been, nor do I intend to be, an illegal-drug user. The truth is, I hate drugs and that includes marijuana. No matter the argument, it is still currently illegal. No matter how many statistics or intellectual debates are shoved down my throat, it is still illegal. Therefore; I hate it. I hate it so much that anyone I know who's involved with such things, I'd definitely ditch them. They make me really angry.
But why such anger?
Monday, December 10, 2012
This afternoon, my co-worker was distraught after receiving a call. His mistress slipped on ice and is suffering from hemorrhage (as of writing this blog). He knows there's a big chance either she'll end up dead or "stupid"... I think he used that word just to make me understand him.
Personally, I couldn't care less about how he feels. It's his mistress. I met her and her family several times, and I don't like how they talk and look at me.
I'm more interested on how my superiors reacted to this. I've been complaining about ice forming in front of the public bathroom but they just joked about it saying I cold learn ice skating on it... until now. 30 minutes after hearing the news, they scraped the said ice (it covers about 10sq ft) and spread some sand and some sort of gravel over the place. They didn't even ask for my help. And as I pass by, I hear them mumbling, "... scary... Jackson could die..."
Saturday, December 1, 2012
- Strong/impolite tone. In English, it's all about how you say it. The tone of voice delivers the question politely or not. In Korean (and most Asian languages), there are honorifics. "Eh, nuguseyo? (에, 누구세요?)" sounds a lot better than, "Nuguya!? (누구야!?)"
- Hanging up without a word. Not even an apology.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Tonight, the latest comment on one of the forums talked about some convoluted ways using a mirror to do what I did. I feel insulted. It's like saying my photos were fake. I would have done that mirror (theory) thing if I had known about it. In fact, using a mirror never crossed my mind until it was mentioned.
Now, my creative flow is blocked. I'm too upset to think. It may be just one comment (who knows if there will be more) and I might just be over-reacting. But that was my work. Something I made honestly and worked quite hard for it. So for someone to bash on one of the highlights of my photography life, it hurts.
I'm trying to get rid of this feeling right now, and I'm hopeful that writing about it helps.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
I suffered too much hassle from losing battery life very quickly with my former smart phone, HTC Desire HD. I tinkered with it a lot and done a lot of things that could make the battery last a bit longer. But most of the times, upon plugging it out from the charger, it lasts for only 3 hours. I thought of buying 2 extra batteries but then I lost the phone before I finalized my payment.
Enter Galaxy S3 with its very nice battery life. The time I tested, it lasts for about 6 hours outdoors. That includes quite a hefty usage with it constantly having WIFI/Data enabled. It is a huge improvement from my lost HTC. But I'm still not satisfied with its length of service. As I mentioned, I mostly use it 48 hours or more, unplugged. So I decided to buy extra batteries instead of tweaking it again and again. I think it's just a smarter move. Besides, carrying the charger just defeats the purpose of its mobility.
In every smartphone shop I asked, none of them sells batteries only. I asked 10 random smartphone shops, to no avail. Then I checked out some phone accessories stores and still got nothing. 2 smartphone store owners demanded to check my phone and records and my spare battery. I think they suspected I stole my unit, that's why I was asking for another battery. Some of them can't believe I needed extra batteries. To me, I'm a potential customer. My purpose shouldn't be their concern. Meh.
My last option was to go to Yongsan. It is the electronic store of Korea. They must be selling extra batteries, right? 3 buildings, 3 floors each, about 5 or 6 shops from each floor. None of them sells batteries. I do wonder why they just dismissed me without some excuses. They just say, "we got none of those." So at the last store, I asked where could I avail such items.
"Samsung service center." he said.
None of them sell even a third-party battery for this. I guess, it's a new item so Samsung didn't make spare batteries for sale. I can't be bothered to personally go to Samsung. But this is really frustrating.
Until then, there's GS25 store. At least they're scattered around. I don't know if 7-Eleven or Family Mart or the rest of them chain stores, do the same. But GS25 could charge phone batteries at a small fee (as of today, it's 1,000 won or $1). They've been doing this even before the age of smartphones. I think I'll settle for that until I can get spare batteries. It's not as convenient, but good enough for now.
Friday, October 26, 2012
I don't understand why some guys automatically assume it's more than friendship we're having. And when I disappoint, I get the "let's be friends" speech.
The thing is, I don't feel it's friendship in the first place. Not yet. It was on its way there. The sex part is irrelevant. And I don't categorize "friends with benefits" as a relationship.
I don't understand why some guys think it's on a verge of an intimate relationship after sex, when sex came first before getting to know each other. When I meet someone for the first time and we have sex right then and there, to me, it's not about finding good company anymore. It's simply looking for someone likely just as sexually frustrated as I am, and looking for release.
Frankly, I enjoy a small chatter over a cup of coffee. Then get to know each other more. If sex comes down the line then I think that's more romance. Then I'll think that's leading towards something more than friendship.
But as much as I am a hopeful spirit, I have learned there's no permanent thing as long as I am in a foreign land. Even friendships come and go, and we all move on.
So please. If we are out to meet people to have fun, then let's have fun. But don't expect a bright and shining future partner right after the first meeting, when all we did was hook up. And don't give that "friends" speech after you realize I'm not the guy for you. Sex is sex. Friendship is another. It's simple.
"Look at me straight in the eyes and tell me... "
" If he looks at you this way, he's lying."
... And all a bunch of stuff
... What a load of crap!
To anyone who read "The Country of the Blind" by H.G. Wells, you won't be too puzzled with my behaviour.
I was raised not to look straight in the eyes when communicating especially to elders. It is an insulting address of deliberate disrespect, doing so. We often watch the lips to have a bit more confirmation to what we're listening to. A harmonious duet of our eyes and ears.
I most often look down on to the floor or at a blank space. Or just phase out my vision elsewhere, mostly directing my ears more to where or whom I'm listening to. It's my way of giving full attention to the speaker. I've been accused of lying and/or not paying attention because of this. I think it's unfair. I have the ability to see what you say. That makes me an excellent listener. But that demands me to find a blank canvass and paint images as you dictate them. And your face, especially your eyes, is not a blank canvass.
Do not ask me to look at you straight in the eyes because it's very uncomfortable to me... Unless I'm angrily challenging your position. Everyone who knew always shy away once I look. My eyes aren't threatening. But once you force me to look at you, I do it with full intentions.
I can easily give a speech looking straight without unconsciously looking left and right. It's what we were taught at school. Basic and polite. So don't tell me I'm thinking creatively whenever I glance to the left.
I don't believe there's such textbook interpretations on human actions. Get to know me. Talk to me. Let me open up to you. By then you'll be familiar of what I mean by what I do... if you're smart.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
It think it began at age 25 when I came to realize this. At that time, my world was turned upside down. I had no friends. I was sent away to a foreign country by my mom. My siblings either don't understand or don't care.
The only person who has my back is my dad. But even then he lived quite far. He has his own plethora of problems. And I am a man.
I was pushed beyond my limits when the entire department (where I work) ganged up on me... Long story and irrelevant for now... The fight was so big; they got our superiors blind-sided.
It was then that I realized, I have no future. I am nothing.
I didn't finish highschool. I'm a lazy person raised dependent yet abused. I have no trade skill because of this. I left my country a single person. This and many more things I'm too lazy to mention, made me realize I got nothing to go back home to. No reason at all. Unemployable. No assets. And now, no family.
I have no future. I am nothing. Therefore I got nothing to lose. Should I be killed in a foreign land it wouldn't matter. I won't be missed. I got no family nor loved one to worry about.
This makes me feel good about myself. It made me brave. I treasure living, but I'm not afraid to die.
An apology is now bullshit.
When I was young I learned saying "sorry" is the first step to make amends. So that word is powerful and strong. And it should be expressed with sincerity and with the right reasons.
The right reasons...
Now what would the right reasons be? I have a new friend who keeps apologizing for the slightest faults even when not needed.
But who needs the apology?
Sometimes I feel that an apology is abused or misused. I notice people apologise to get rid of their guilt. It's all about their guilt and not making amends.
"Well, I apologized and did what I could."
The sign of giving up. The sign of what's actually happening: insincerity. It's not about the offender making amends. It's about the offender feeling better about himself/herself. That he/she could wash hands and not care.
My exact sentiments about this was said by Dr. Bailey in Grey's Anatomy.
"You don't get to apologize and feel good about yourselves."
I say yes. Don't apologize to me if it's not for me anyway.